Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
"Fill the specimen jar on the table over there"
"What, from here?"
"What, from here?"
Comedy one liners that stick.
- Thread starter Andy in Sig
- Start date
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trustysteed
Guest
Alan Partridge, complaining to the hotel receptionist that he'd been getting prank phone calls asking for a Mr B. Oddy.
When she looked at him blankly, he explained, 'You know, a Mr Body?'
She giggles and he says 'What's rude about body?'
She replies: 'Tits?'
When she looked at him blankly, he explained, 'You know, a Mr Body?'
She giggles and he says 'What's rude about body?'
She replies: 'Tits?'
Twenty Inch
Guru
- Location
- Behind a desk
Velcro - what a rip-off!
U
User482
Guest
Sir, I am in the smallest room of my house. Your letter is before me. Soon it will be behind me."
Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill
Flying_Monkey
Recyclist
- Location
- Odawa
I liked Churchill's remark to a woman who accused him of being drunk. It's not nice at all, but...
Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what's more, you are disgustingly drunk.
Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.
Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what's more, you are disgustingly drunk.
Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.
Flying_Monkey
Recyclist
- Location
- Odawa
Woody Allen's Love and Death has all his best line is one film AFAIAC, e.g.:
Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience!
Boris: Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best!
Countess: You are a great lover!
Boris: I practice a lot when I'm alone.
Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness.
Sonja: What did you say?
Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future.
Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience!
Boris: Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best!
Countess: You are a great lover!
Boris: I practice a lot when I'm alone.
Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness.
Sonja: What did you say?
Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future.
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
My favourite Churchill one was...
Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it.
Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it.
Ranger
New Member
- Location
- Fife borders
four candles
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Meeeses Foolty, shee go craaazeee!
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
Dayvo said:
MacB
Lover of things that come in 3's
- Location
- Farnborough, Hampshire
Frankie Boyle in Mock the Week on lines you'd never here in a Bond film:-
Q - it's a bomb but it's also a rucksack
Q - it's a bomb but it's also a rucksack
Sh4rkyBloke
Jaffa Cake monster
- Location
- Manchester, UK
Classic Monty Python team:
"She's a witch, burn heeeeeerrrr!"
"She turned me into a newt......
[mumblings of "What?" "Eh? etc.]
... I got better."
"She's a witch, burn heeeeeerrrr!"
"She turned me into a newt......
[mumblings of "What?" "Eh? etc.]
... I got better."
swee'pea99
Squire
'Otherwise OK?'
as in
Mr Carnegie: Lack of proper cleaning routines, dirty and greasy filters, greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer, dirty, cracked and stained food preparation surfaces, dirty, cracked and missing wall and floor tiles, dirty, marked and stained utensils, dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator hood, ...
Basil: About the fat fryer...
Mr Carnegie: ...inadequate temperature control and storage of dangerous foodstuffs, storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays, storage of raw meat above confectionery with consequent dripping of meat juices onto cream products, refrigerator seals loose and cracked, ice box undefrosted, and refrigerator overstocked...
Basil: Say no more.
Mr Carnegie: ...food handling routines suspect, evidence of smoking in food preparation area, dirty and grubby food handling overalls, lack of wash hand basin which you gave us a verbal assurance you'd have installed at our last visit six months ago, and two dead pigeons in the water tank.
Basil: Otherwise OK?
as in
Mr Carnegie: Lack of proper cleaning routines, dirty and greasy filters, greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer, dirty, cracked and stained food preparation surfaces, dirty, cracked and missing wall and floor tiles, dirty, marked and stained utensils, dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator hood, ...
Basil: About the fat fryer...
Mr Carnegie: ...inadequate temperature control and storage of dangerous foodstuffs, storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays, storage of raw meat above confectionery with consequent dripping of meat juices onto cream products, refrigerator seals loose and cracked, ice box undefrosted, and refrigerator overstocked...
Basil: Say no more.
Mr Carnegie: ...food handling routines suspect, evidence of smoking in food preparation area, dirty and grubby food handling overalls, lack of wash hand basin which you gave us a verbal assurance you'd have installed at our last visit six months ago, and two dead pigeons in the water tank.
Basil: Otherwise OK?
MacB
Lover of things that come in 3's
- Location
- Farnborough, Hampshire
Frankie Boyle again:-
why did they do a pop concert in tribute to Diana, she didn't have that much to do with pop. They should have done something relevant like a gangbang in a minefield.
on lines you're unlikely to hear in a superhero movie:-
The Joker - I'll be back
Frankie - I really don't think you will
why did they do a pop concert in tribute to Diana, she didn't have that much to do with pop. They should have done something relevant like a gangbang in a minefield.
on lines you're unlikely to hear in a superhero movie:-
The Joker - I'll be back
Frankie - I really don't think you will
