Kid's do you have any?

[rich p]

I know a couple who chose not to jhave children and now regret it when it's too late. They have both lost both their parents and have no siblings and feel a little rootless. Maybe not a reason to have children but they do give some sort of belonging to a community.

 

[Sig SilverPrinter]

I have 2.
Never thought I would have children the first was not planned.
The hardest thing was telling my best friend who'd been trying for years and had just had her 4th miscarriage I was in tears telling her just kept saying I was really sorry.
Thankfully they found out what the problem was and they know have 2.
Other friends went through IVF with no luck .

 

[Kirstie]

It can work both ways, we had children when I was in my twenties and most of my friends didn't have children. They found it difficult to understand that we could not join their carefree lifestyle and were bogged down with nappies and complex logistics to do even simple things.

Yes my best friend had a baby about a year ago and it is like a military operation just going anywhere! With the friend I spoke about earlier, we work in the same organization. She just stopped getting in touch.

 

[ChrisKH]

I know a couple who chose not to jhave children and now regret it when it's too late. They have both lost both their parents and have no siblings and feel a little rootless. Maybe not a reason to have children but they do give some sort of belonging to a community.

I would agree with this to a point. My wife was very career minded when she was younger and children were not a priority. In the 80's it was the in-thing not to have them until you're older. In retrospect, for us, I think this was a mistake and we should have started sooner. KH1 & 2 came along when she was 35 and 38 (gap because I was ill and she wasn't allowed to conceive as I was on anti-cancer drugs that affected a baby's chromasomes, or sommat). Its' enormously stressful having children at the best of times, even more so when you are older. No regrets (pointless really) but if I did it again, I imagine we would have liked children in our mid to late twenties. Some of our friends can't have children now because of their age. Admittedly, for some it's because they are infertile, or because they never found the right partner but you can't but wonder what would have happened had they started earlier or with their first partner who wanted children when they didn't. Carpe Diem. Don't wait for tomorrow.

 

[ChrisKH]

I have had a very similiar experience with my step sister. She had been trying for some years and within 18 months we had 2. The relationship has never been the same since and I rarely see her or speak to her although she lives less than 2 miles away. I don't suppose it is helped by the fact she married a horses arse either.

You're not alone. My sister in law always said she never wanted kids & didn't have a permanent enough partner (her first partner run off with someone at work as he wanted kids). She then became pregnant in her late thirties and lives with someone who isn't particularly liked by any of the family. We found out later she had been on fertility drugs for quite a long time before she fell and had twins and this has created some bad feeling. The relationship my wife has with her sister is somewhat strained and stems at least in part to the whole baby issue (I only have to look at my wife and she conceives). The kids (theirs and ours) get along like a house on fire. If only we could say the same for the parents.

I find it quite ironic really; my wife's parents always made a big thing about how cohesive their family was and having two (I'm one of four) children they could give more to their children and not treat siblings unfairly (a regular event in my household, unfortunately) as a result. Now the sibling rivalry between them is terrible. Both their parents are still alive and they're are still competing for attention and affection I think, even though both sisters are in their forties and don't live at home.

 

[Fnaar]

I always wanted to be a dad, and luckily for me I had a good role model... now I have 3, I've sort of got to the stage where I know I couldn't do the baby stage again, so I had the snip a few years back... my bro' and his missus had a new arrival last Sat, and I'm glad I'll get the opportunity to enjoy the occasional company of his nipper (when i can get down to London!) but hand her over when she needs her nappy changing

 

[4F]

You're not alone. My sister in law always said she never wanted kids & didn't have a permanent enough partner (her first partner run off with someone at work as he wanted kids). She then became pregnant in her late thirties and lives with someone who isn't particularly liked by any of the family. We found out later she had been on fertility drugs for quite a long time before she fell and had twins and this has created some bad feeling. The relationship my wife has with her sister is somewhat strained and stems at least in part to the whole baby issue (I only have to look at my wife and she conceives). The kids (theirs and ours) get along like a house on fire. If only we could say the same for the parents.

I find it quite ironic really; my wife's parents always made a big thing about how cohesive their family was and having two (I'm one of four) children they could give more to their children and not treat siblings unfairly (a regular event in my household, unfortunately) as a result. Now the sibling rivalry between them is terrible. Both their parents are still alive and they're are still competing for attention and affection I think, even though both sisters are in their forties and don't live at home.

Families, you cant pick them.

 

[spandex]

Families, you cant pick them.

You can't pick them but




you can leave them!

 

[4F]

You can't pick them but

you can leave them!

I have only really ever been close to my brother and now deceased grandparents. I would consider my wife's family more of a family to me than mine

 

[Kirstie]

I must admit that hearing some of the dreadful, hurtful stuff that goes on in families - many of my friends have some terrible stories - it really does put me off...! Families can do so much damage!

 

[spandex]

I have only really ever been close to my brother and now deceased grandparents. I would consider my wife's family more of a family to me than mine

There is me (with kids), my sis and kid and my dad that's my family. But there is 20+ overs out there which are blood but I don't know them and I don't wish to. 8years or so ago I was 6 miles from one of them and needed help so I phone them and it was No Can't help. so I had to get a friend from 70miles away to help. Another time my dad was short by £500 to get some more discount on the house so he phones up his Bro who works for BMW and has 2 house's in the UK, 1 in Germany, 1 in Spain.... loads and loads of cash and he said NO???????? that was the last time they talked.

 

[swee'pea99]

It is amazing isn't it. I once wired my parents from Australia begging for a couple of hundred quid to see me to a place where I'd been told I could get work, being as I was at the time completely broke and surviving on the kindness of strangers. They turned me down flat.

It's a real phenomenon. Parents so utterly bereft of parental instincts you really wonder why they ever had kids, other than it was a 'life box' they felt needed to be ticked. Career - tick. House - tick. Car - tick. Kids...

 

[ArDee]

One, boy - nearly twenty

 

[4F]

There is me (with kids), my sis and kid and my dad that's my family. But there is 20+ overs out there which are blood but I don't know them and I don't wish to. 8years or so ago I was 6 miles from one of them and needed help so I phone them and it was No Can't help. so I had to get a friend from 70miles away to help. Another time my dad was short by £500 to get some more discount on the house so he phones up his Bro who works for BMW and has 2 house's in the UK, 1 in Germany, 1 in Spain.... loads and loads of cash and he said NO???????? that was the last time they talked.

Most of my families problems stemmed from my mother and father seperating when I was 8. My mother walked out and I wanted nothing to to with her and she called the social services in as she thought my father was preventing me in wanting to see her. She could not get her head around the fact that I resented her then and to be fair still do now 35 years later. I have seen her 2 or 3 times since thinking let bygones be bygones but this has not worked out and if anything just caused friction between myself and father / step mother. As far as I am concerned I am not bothered with the lot of them apart from my brother who pretty much has the seem feelings as me.

 

[HelenD123]

I must be very lucky. I think even my distant relatives, apart from maybe one cousin, would do anything to help in an emergency and of course I'd do the same for them.