Share your Viz Comic top tips

[Markymark]

Convince people you are cool by paying five times more than you need to for an electronic toy just because it has a picture of an apple on it.

Convince people you're not cool by using the word cool.

 

[TheDoctor]

Save shedloads of money on wine by buying the cheapest you can find.
Just down the first glass in one, and hey presto!
It tastel blurry blirriant after thasht

 

[Tin Pot]

Cyclists! Save money on expensive dental treatment and mindfulness classes by offering unsolicited cycling advice to strangers without so much as a by your leave. You can think about how right you are about everything while picking your teeth up from the road.

Okay, not Viz but Im stealing their format for my rant.

 

[Drago]

Cyclists! Show the world how morally upstanding and righteous you are, by shouting "it was my right of way" as the ambulance staff use a dustpan and brush to scrape your intestines off the carriageway.

 

[Doseone]

Save preparation time when making a kale and quinoa salad by simply buying a bag of chips and getting the f**k over yourself

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Strava users, save the bother of using a GPS to try and get a KOM for a segment. Just write your name and KOM in yellow paint on the road late at night.

 

[Drago]

Pretend you have a jacuzzi by farting in the bath.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Buy a jacuzzi and save yourself the trouble of having to fart in the bath.

 

[Markymark]

Stop watching porn and thinking a jacuzzi is a good idea.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Drill a hole in your fridge door to easily check whether the interior light goes off when you shut the door.

 

[slowmotion]

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.

 

[Drago]

Leave a tape recorder running in the forest, then if a tree falls and no one is there you will be able to tell whether or not it made a sound.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Car owners - save money on engine oil by buying a longer dipstick.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Stick you shoes to your pedals with chewing gum and pretend you have clip less pedals.

 

[Drago]

Don't waste money on expensive gazpacho soup. Simply buy a cheap can of tomato soup, dilute it with used bathwater, and shove it in the fridge overnight before serving to your guests.