Share your Viz Comic top tips

[Dayvo]

If you strongly believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, when your neighbour's house is up for sale, buy it, move in and be happy with the fact that you now have the greenest grass.

 

[TVC]

Make your neighbours think you have a dog by trudging round the local park in the driving rain carrying a small bag of poo.

 

[Drago]

Pretend your house has an outside toilet by twice a day going out to the shed and making loud farting and groaning noises.

 

[TVC]

Teenage boys, remember, the best way to impress a teenage girl is to ride your scooter past her house doing wheelies for at least two or three hours every night.

 

[Doseone]

Paint a blue rectangle on your lawn so people flying over in planes think you have a swimming pool.

 

[TVC]

Alergic to cats? No problem, just slash your furniture with a stanley knife, never sit in your favourite chair and keep a small tray of dried poo in the corner of your kitchen for the full cat owner experience.

 

[machew]

Save having to shell out a pound for a trolley at Tesco by taking a wheelbarrow with you.

Why pay 5p for a bag when you can get a whole trolley for £1?

 

[Drago]

Too lazy to walk far? No problem. Simply park in a disabled bay and pretend to limp.

 

[Oldbloke]

Give your children the experience of using Southern Trains next Christmas by buying them a train set and making them wait several hours to play with it.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Yeah I did, sorry.

I miss all the best bits, was it rude?

 

[machew]

How to legally avoid getting in trouble from the Police when driving, please buy my book ISBN 9780115524493.

 

[Drago]

Convince everyone you ride for Team Sky by wheezing a bit and asking for your 'special medicine', winking as you do so.

 

[Drago]

Pretend you have an expensive smart phone by walking up and down the street staring at your outstretched palm.

 

[Drago]

Convince the neighbours you are Lewis Hamilton by putting sunglasses on the dog, dressing like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and sulking when things don't go your way.

 

[TVC]

Convince people you are cool by paying five times more than you need to for an electronic toy just because it has a picture of an apple on it.