True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Dogtrousers]

When he was at school Ross Kemp stormed out of his history class when the subject of the Spanish Empire came up because he refused to learn about someone called Ponce de Leon.

 

[raleighnut]

Ross Kemp is so hard he takes it from behind without any lube crying out "vaseline is for nonces"

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp's first TV role was as Humpty on Play School but he was fired for giving Big Ted "a bit of a slap"

 

[Drago]

Winston Churchill auditioned to play Ross Kemp in the biopic of the east end tough guys life.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

When they launched Voyager 1 and 2, they asked Ross Kemp to go into orbit with them so he could give them a good drop kick to get them going.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has been shortlisted as the next James Bond.

It seems his fine audition won over the producer, who insists that Kemp's threat to "nut" him had nothing to do with the decision.

 

[Moon bunny]

Ross Kemp got the idea for his "haircut" from St. Paul's Cathedral.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ross Kemp got the idea for his "haircut" from St. Paul's Cathedral.

Sir Christopher Wren said that the idea for St Paul's came to him in a dream of "A man, as harde as nailes clad in a jerkin of cowhide with a domed pate"

 

[raleighnut]

Sir Christopher Wren said that the idea for St Paul's came to him in a dream of "A man, as harde as nailes clad in a jerkin of cowhide with a domed pate"

I like Pate

 

[Drago]

Sir Christopher Wren said that the idea for St Paul's came to him in a dream of "A man, as harde as nailes clad in a jerkin of cowhide with a domed pate"

Post of the day!

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3dn3g4jdxjo
Authorities in South Africa want more information about a shaven headed, English gent in a leather jacket who has been selling dodgy time share holidays around the middle East, after a plane full of baffled Palestinians landed at Tambo Airport,
A statement from the embassy said "an unregistered and misleading organization [had] exploited the tragic humanitarian conditions of our people in Gaza, deceived families, collected money from them, and facilitated their travel in an irregular and irresponsible manner".
plus, to make matters worse, Ross Kemp isn't even ABTA Registered

 

[Drago]

The original version of the Bayeux Tapestry featured a well built bald man in a leather jacket headbutting William the Conquerer.

The French, never a fan of Ross Kemp following the incident where he was caught in flagrante with Mrs Macron following a boozy hen party at the Queen Vice, had a new panel embroidered. Thus history was re-written.

 

[Drago]

The bouncing bomb, famously used by 617 squadron in Operation Chastise, was inspired by Ross Kemps bald dome, spied by Barnes Wallace on an episode of Ultimate Force.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp has recently finished building a brand new Lancaster Bomber, the attention to detail is so accurate that on it’s maiden flight over Dresden, many residents fled in terror shouting it’s happening again

 

[Drago]

During WWII Ross Kemp famously wrote to Hitler,offering to sort it out "mano-a-mano" in a bare knuckle match at rhe venue of Adolphs choosing.

Hitler responded by dropping a doodlebug on the Queen Vice, with a note attached offering unconditional surrender.