True Facts About Ross Kemp

[DRM]

Ross Kemp single handedly quelled the Peterhead Jail Riot, when he appeared, the rioters ran off and hid in their cells, he then let his mates in the SAS go in and claim all the glory

 

[Drago]

The film Captain Phillips is loosely based on a true story, but major liberties were taken with the script.

In real life the US navy threatened to send in Ross Kemp, whereupon the pirates immediately surrendered.

 

[Way-Out-West]

Viewers were disappointed with Ross Kemp’s latest documentary ‘A Life Behind Bars’ which follows a group of elderly cyclists pedalling about and stuff.

 

[Drago]

Ebikes were invented to allow Steve McFadden to keep up with Ross Kemp while out for a ride.

 

[Way-Out-West]

Ross Kemp is so strong on his bike his power meter reads in horsepower.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is the only man hard enough to dare to park in the disabled bay outside Accy's flat.

 

[raleighnut]

Ross Kemp is the only man hard enough to dare to park in the disabled bay outside Accy's flat.

Yep he can park his Reliant Regal anywhere.

 

[PeteXXX]

Ross Kemp is a Trekkie. He's so hard he assimilated the Borg.

 

[Paulus]

Ross Kemp was drummed out of the SAS for bring too 'ard.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp spilled Chudk Norris' beer, only for Norris to buy Kemp a pint as a thank you.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp got Cupid Stunt's name wrong on a live edition of Playschool causing Floella to spit out the coffee she was drinking.

 

[stephec]

Ross Kemp is the only acceptable male celebrity crush for straight men.

 

[PeteXXX]

Ross Kemp lost his virginity to a gorilla behind the cages at London Zoo.
He did wonder why the lass was so hairy but, alas, he knew no better 😔

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp is so hard he crushes then sprinkles granite on his cornflakes each morning, he then pours Castro gtx over them.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp was asked to leave the French Foreign Legion as he was deemed too hard, and on the UN Mission in Cote D’Ivorie he terrified locals into simply staying at home