True Facts About Ross Kemp

[stephec]

Ross Kemp is the only acceptable male celebrity crush for straight men.

 

[PeteXXX]

Ross Kemp lost his virginity to a gorilla behind the cages at London Zoo.
He did wonder why the lass was so hairy but, alas, he knew no better 😔

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp is so hard he crushes then sprinkles granite on his cornflakes each morning, he then pours Castro gtx over them.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp was asked to leave the French Foreign Legion as he was deemed too hard, and on the UN Mission in Cote D’Ivorie he terrified locals into simply staying at home

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross Kemp knits 'bobble hats'in his spare time, he once knitted a long narrow one thus inventing the 'Willy Warmer'

Ross Kemp and Chris Rea were at school together (yes, it's true) and they started a flower arranging club.

Being so hard, nobody questioned it and even the flowers were known to arrange themselves out of fear.

Ross Kemp lost his virginity to a gorilla behind the cages at London Zoo.
He did wonder why the lass was so hairy but, alas, he knew no better 😔

She did wonder why he was so hairy but, alas, she knew no better

There, FTFY.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

In 1982 Ross Kemp, on his stag do in the south Atlantic, was fired out of a torpedo tube. His noggin is so hard, he passed straight through a ships hull, sinking it.

 

[Way-Out-West]

Ross Kemp was set to replace David Attenborough as BBC’s main wildlife presenter. All was going well until he started fighting the lions.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp never checks Trivago but still always gets the cheapest deal.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp was on the crew when David Attenborough sat down with a family of gorillas, it was Ross who introduced David to his mates Mr & Mrs Gorilla, & family, it went so well that David Attenborough and the Gorillas exchange Xmas cards every year, and he put them up in his garden when they came to England to visit Ross Kemp

 

[Way-Out-West]

When Ross Kemp did an episode of Jackanory it came with an 18 certificate.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp got Sharon pregnant by scowling at her.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Ross Kemp got Sharon pregnant by scowling at her.

Ross Kemp had a secret crush on June Brown (AKA 'Dot Cotton').

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

In 1982 Ross Kemp, on his stag do in the south Atlantic, was fired out of a torpedo tube. His noggin is so hard, he passed straight through a ships hull, sinking it.

... And that ship was called The Belgrano.

 

[DRM]

In 1982 Ross Kemp, on his stag do in the south Atlantic, was fired out of a torpedo tube. His noggin is so hard, he passed straight through a ships hull, sinking it.

His next mission after this was to stand in the crows nest of Royal Navy ships in San Carlos Bay and catch Dassault Mirages with his bare hands & throw them into the sea

 

[Drago]

The Blackbuck 1 raid was a leaflet drop warning Argentine conscripts that Ross Kemp was on his way to sort them out.