True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

Borassic Park was to be a film about a scientist that went bankrupt using cells from Ross Kemp's leather jacket to clone him and populate a safari park. The plot was that rhe Kemps would escape and cause deadly mayhem.

Sadly Jeff Goldblum and Ross Kemp fell out early on in filming over an argument about whether Eagles were better than Chas and Dave, and the film was never completed.

 

[PeteXXX]

Unseen by the TV cameras, Ross Kemp is presently in a meeting with Donald Trump & other minor political leaders in the White House 🏠

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cx2330pe0v0o
Reports of a meteor in the night sky above Australia have been found to be inaccurate, when it was shown that it was actually Ross Kemp practising his VVHALO (Very Very High Altitude Low Opening) parachute jump from the edge of space, with the flare of re-entry from his polished & waxed head, and his protective leather jacket being visible in the night sky, all went to plan and he landed safely in Albert Square outside The Queen Vic Pub

 

[Drago]

Ronnie Pickering calls Ross Kemp "Sir."

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Someone liked a Cyclechat post that Ross didn’t. Ross took one look at the post and it self combusted in fear.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp lasted a morning as a moderator on CycleChat. Calling one particular member a "ponce" and telling them to take their "weakling whinging over to NCAP before I nut you" didnt go down well, particularly as that members name was Shaun.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp's smoking jacket emits real smoke.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

If the earth is ever about to be hit by an asteroid big enough to cause a catastrophic loss of lif, all NASA will do is send Ross up to headbutt it until it either breaks up or it changes it's mind and leaves.

 

[PeteXXX]

True fact: Ross Kemp & Matt Lucas are never seen together in the same room.

 

[Drago]

Matt Lucas is the secret love child of Letitia Dean and Ross Kemp.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp's autobiography will only be available in hardback.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp doesn't play football. He prefers hardball.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp does the Haka before taking on his kids at football in the back garden.

 

[Drago]

When Playboy printed a full frontal picture of Ross Kemp they had to used 1361 staples in each copy to hide the naughty bit.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp was once told to deal with "The elephant in the room" so he went to London Zoo & punched an elephant, which was later treated for shock & concussion