True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is responsible for the Hindenberg disaster. He'd been rubbing balloons on the carpet and sticking them to his head as a party trick, hut an errant static discharge raised a spark...and the rest is history.

"Oh the humanity...ponces!"

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cyv6q5e8gvpo
Ross Kemps visit to Swansea ended in disaster, after visiting the pub & drinking it dry, he set off back to his digs, however, he got caught short, & went behind a bush, however he accidentally flooded the main road into Swansea, emergency services are on hand to deal with the deluge.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has been selected as His Majesty's Governments Ambassador to America.

Hes been thoroughly vetted, and Gary Glitter and Huw Edwards have both assured the PM that Kemp has no links to Jeffrey Epstein.

 

[Dogtrousers]

According to the Office of National Statistics, Ross Kemp has the lowest surface area to volume ratio of any East Enders cast member.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp is longer lasting than the Duracell Bunny, as he is the latest version of the "6 Million Dollar Man" and his head is a powerful solar panel

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemps new show, The 6 Million Snifters Geezer, is about an East End Blagger who is seriously injured in a getaway car crash and then rebuilt by the NHS using parts from the skip behind the tv repair shop.

The USP is that some of the parts are from a seventies TV so he switches off at midnight.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemps new show, The 6 Million Snifters Geezer, is about an East End Blagger who is seriously injured in a getaway car crash and then rebuilt by the NHS using parts from the skip behind the tv repair shop.

The USP is that some of the parts are from a seventies TV so he switches off at midnight.

Rumours have it, that he starts to play the National Anthem at 23:55 just before shut down, and he has to be switched on 5 minutes before needed, to let the valves warm up

 

[accountantpete]

The final stage of this year's Vuelta had to be abandoned today after the course was overrun by people scrambling to pay attention to their pensions.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is to play the part of the Kurgan in the forthcoming Highlander remake.

However, he is struggling to learn his only line.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp once turned down a request to dive to the Titanic wreck in a rescue attempt. He said he wanted to finish his pint and the crossword and didn’t have his speedos with him.

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp is set to start his UK Tour, with his new ventriloquist act, Ross Kemp & Vic The Vulgar Chelsea Pensioner, a strictly over 18's show

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemps biceps are so big he needs a residents parking permit for each of them.