When you die

[postman]

You can put my name down for a commemorative mug. Or a fridge magnet.

Put me down for one of these.

 

[postman]

Viking longboat on Roundhay Park lake,or ashes scattered in Otley or Langstrothdale.

 

[colly]

On a different but related note.

A neice of ours has very recently lost her twin girls during pregancy. In fact we went to the burial only last week. She called round today and was saying for a not very big headstone and a small surround for the plot it's going to cost £1800.

Seems a huge amount to me but I don't know. Maybe it's just what these things cost.

 

[Vantage]

There won't be anything left of me to donate.
The day before I die, I'm having myself turned into a biochemical bomb and I'm taking out my ex wife.

 

[lazybloke]

I once saw the von Hagens Bodyworlds exhibition and briefly considered the paperwork to leave my remains to his plastination institute.
However I am on the NHS donor register. Mrs L won't consider doing the same but is aware of my wishes.

 

[PK99]

Organ donation if possible followed by cremation .
Then I want the ashes launched into the sky in the biggest rocket the fireworks factory can provide.

Fanny of the Eponymous, and much loved by local cyclists, Fanny's Farm near Merstham was so launched a few years ago.

 

[oldfatfool]

I want a large and ornate mausoleum, and a coffin above ground with one of them bell thingamy jigs.

 

[slowmotion]

How about being dissolved for liquid compost.

Being turned into bio-diesel is another attractive option.

 

[Edwardoka]

I expect a bidding war amongst various institutions to display the closest example of the human ideal.

Why, do you keep it in your basement?


For me, organ donor card then once they've had the bits of me that aren't useless, take what's left onto the Arran ferry Weekend-at-Bernie's style and tip me in the sea.

 

[Accy cyclist]

I've made arrangements for my ashes to be buried in my palm tree's soil. I can't think of a better place to end up.

 

[Fnaar]

Have told my lot that if I ever die , the then whatever's useful can be donated, and at minimum cost, get me cremated. Then, stick the ashes in some kind of perforated metal container, strap the container to a bike rack (rear would be best) and cycle me round Northumberland till I'm all gone

Either that, or a full state funeral, with lying-in-state in Westminster Abbey, royals and celebs in attendance, and all my former girlfriends invited (each gets a box of tissues to dry their eyes). And the date of my death should become 'Fnaar Day', when nobody has to go to work, and everyone is encouraged walk round making smutty jokes, and Benny Hill-style chases round the towns/parks are encouraged. Everyone pays a fiver to participate, and the longest Benny-chase wins a free meal and a pint at Weatherspoons. The rest of the money raised goes to a charity supporting research into whatever kills me.

 

[classic33]

Having been there, but not long enough for any use to be made, I decided they could have what they wanted that may be of any use. To be followed by the ashes to be shot into space.

Meaning my life may have ended, but not the journey.

 

[classic33]

I want a large and ornate mausoleum, and a coffin above ground with one of them bell thingamy jigs.

Is that for just in case, with a doctor on standby?

 

[Beebo]

Have told my lot that if I ever die , the then whatever's useful can be donated, and at minimum cost, get me cremated. Then, stick the ashes in some kind of perforated metal container, strap the container to a bike rack (rear would be best) and cycle me round Northumberland till I'm all gone

Either that, or a full state funeral, with lying-in-state in Westminster Abbey, royals and celebs in attendance, and all my former girlfriends invited (each gets a box of tissues to dry their eyes). And the date of my death should become 'Fnaar Day', when nobody has to go to work, and everyone is encouraged walk round making smutty jokes, and Benny Hill-style chases round the towns/parks are encouraged. Everyone pays a fiver to participate, and the longest Benny-chase wins a free meal and a pint at Weatherspoons. The rest of the money raised goes to a charity supporting research into whatever kills me.

That Benny Hill sketch was filmed in the grounds of my old school.
It is unclear to this day why the headmaster and bursar allowed it. Imagine doing that on school property today.

 

[Cycleops]

They can do anything with me but I draw the line at a crash test cadaver for BMW or Audi.

I'm surprised nobody has suggested they are buried with their backside only above the ground to be used as a bike stand, as per that old Billy Connolly joke.