True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp is descended from Conan the Barbarian and Boudicca.

 

[Drago]

When it was announced that Ross Kemp was to be a guest presenter on Crimewatch every criminal in London handed themselves in before the episode even aired.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Ross Kemp belches so loud, that ship captains off the coast of south America think it’s their local lighthouse foghorn.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp sank the ARA Genaral Belgrano. He was doing one of his backstroke across an ocean dares for his mates down the pub when he accidentally headbutted the ships hull.

 

[Moon bunny]

Ross Kemp is so hard he does not even fear @Drago underwear .

Ross Kemp is so hard he wears Drago as underwear.

 

[stephec]

Ross Kemp is the love child of Drago and Pat Butcher.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp hosted the racy TV Show Pebble Mill At One (am)

 

[Drago]

The Austin Maxi was invented because the Mini couldn't accommodate Ross Kemp's bulging muscles.

 

[cyberknight]

When the world is threatened by AI domination the government plans to flood all media with endless reruns of east-enders featuring Ross Kemp in an attempt to convince skynet that humankind will never surrender

 

[DRM]

Ross Kemp never has salad with his kebab. If some hapless kebab seller should pop the question he typically clenches his fists and says, "are you calling me a ponce?"

However he always has the most fiery kebab sauce available splashed liberally across the kebab meat

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp loves kebabs so much he sleeps on a slowly revolving spit while Steve McFadden ladels hot sauce over him.

 

[DRM]

In early 2020, Ross Kemp became infected with Covid 19, however, it only took 10 minutes for him to infect the virus with Kemp 20, thus scientists were able to work out when Covid 19 would eventually become less virulent due being mashed to a pulp by Kemp 20

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp is an avid blood donor, and lucky recipients soon develop bald heads and a penchant for tight leather jackets. Even the women.

 

[teeonethousand]

Ross Kemp is an avid blood donor, and lucky recipients soon develop bald heads and a penchant for tight leather jackets. Even the women.

I think I've had some...that would explain it.

 

[Drago]

The aurora borealis is caused by halogen headlamps reflecting and refracting off Ross Kemp's bald head. Hence more common in the north where no one yet has LED headlamps.