True Facts About Ross Kemp

[Drago]

Ross Kemp has signed on to play Mr Drummond in the British remake of Diff'rent Strokes.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A poor anaconda took on Ross Kemp, unfortunately he made a balloon dog out of it. The anaconda hasn’t lived it down ever since.

 

[DRM]

The Ross Kemp/Chris Rea TV Production Company are planning even more TV Series, they have just announced that Ross Kemp will play the part of Mr Benn, in kempRea Productions remake of the beloved cartoon of the 1970's, the real life version will see Ross Kemp step into the Turdis in a pinstripe suit & bowler hat, and step out in a suitable attire for the upcoming adventure,somewhere in history, Chris Rea will film the whole thing on his iPhone & write/play/sing the theme tune.

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp's feud with Benedict Cumberbatch goes back to an awards evening where Cumberbatch won the award for Best Screen Punch. This award had been coveted by Kemp, and he's detested the "hoity toity ponce" ever since.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp is lined up to be the next Oscars host- if Will Smith tries that sissy slap routine again he'll be leaving on a stretcher.

 

[Drago]

Ivan Drago refused to face Ross Kemp in the ring, adding that killing Apollo Creed was one thing but being battered by the East End Fists of Pub Closing Time Justice was not his idea of fun.

Upon hearing the news Kemp declared Drago to be a "big girls blouse who should have stuck to ballet."

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp's middle name is 'You Want Some?'

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp's middle names are Ross Oliver Christopher Kemp

 

[PeteXXX]

Ross Kemp is actually quite dim..
When his girlfriend mentioned that he never bought her any 🌷 💐🌸 he asked if she wanted Plain or Self Raising.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

At the Olympics when Ross was Skating for the gold, he made the ice rink dance with him whilst his partner looked on from the side.

 

[PeteXXX]

Ross Kemp once applied to be the third 'Professional' but he received Wedgies from both Bodie & Doyle before they kicked him out for not being hard enough.

 

[Paulus]

Ross keep was a child actor in a episode of the Sweeney.
Jack Regan and sergeant George Carter had an awful job getting him back into his pram.

 

[accountantpete]

Ross Kemp starred in Dr Who You Looking At

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c80dx2z8jldo
Spanish and Portugese Police & Fire Investigation teams are desperately searching for stockily built, bald Englishman, wearing a T-Shirt, Jeans & leather jacket, in connection with wildfires that have broken out in the two countries, they believe that a combination of strong sunlight, being reflected and refracted into a concentrated beam from his highly polished bald head, and reflecting back from amazingly strong retinas, caused tinder dry grass to ignite, they believe it is no coincidence that English Ex-Pats said that they "had seen that bloke off East Enders way back in the day, in the area" Police are trawling reruns on BBC iPlayer in search of a possible match

 

[Drago]

Ross Kemp's term presenting Police 5 ended prematurely after asking the cameraman live on air, "what you looking at?" and chinning him.

Benedidt Cumberbatch has been drafted in as an emergency replacement and his first appeal was for the identity of a well built chap in a leather jacket who'd chinned a cameraman in the ITV London studio thenprevious week.