Rules for Public Transport

[Arch]

Having travelled for 10 hours on Cross Country in the last week, I have a rule for people using public transport.

You may not carry any single item of luggage that you can't lift 2 feet off the ground on your own. (with exemptions for the elderly and disabled).

There were some huge suitcases! One guy, young, 20's perhaps, had something he could have got a body in, and could barely lift it the inch or so to slide it into the bottom shelf of the luggage rack.

It was a week for odd baggage. I travelled down with a medium rucksack (clothes, plus small presents), a shoulder bag (handbag type stuff), and a very small bicycle. I thought that was odd, until the man got on at Sheffield with a viola and a framed picture. And the lady opposite apparently had a coolbag full of meat pies.

I've just seen someone on Panorama (about Ryan Air) saying they (a couple, I think) went to Portugal for a week so they had "7 or 8 bags". 7 or 8! How much stuff do you need in a week!

And one day I will get round to composing an amusingly acerbic letter to Cross Country on the internal design of their Voyager trains, with special reference to the wasted luggage space, the scrolling reservation displays and the man-eating carriage end doors....

So, any rules you want to suggest?

 

[Kirstie]

Well the only opinion I have there is that cross country trains are absolutely pants for any kind of facilities whatsoever...I avoid them like the plague! Their on board bike storage facilities are a joke...grrrrrr!!!

So here are my rules:

You may not wantonly trample on cyclists trying to hang up their bikes in the ridiculously small bike spaces which are now in the middle of the train, rather than at the end, where they used to be, and where they didn't used to get trampled on by stampeding hoards

And

You may not deposit your outsized suitcase or baby buggy in said bike space just because you can't be arsed to put it in the luggage compartment

 

[TheDoctor]

Anyone who hasn't had a shower / used deodorant recently should be evicted from the train. Preferably at high speed.
Don't put luggage in the bike area - put it in the luggage rack. The clue is in the name.
If you're on the train with kids, don't get in the quiet coach. You just know that's not gonna work out.
The table in a group of four is for all four passengers. Not exclusively for your laptop, Blackberry, iPod and portable laser printer, Mr Nob-End-in-a-shiny-suit. Nor all your makeup and new clothes, Ms Primark. In fact, if you can't get groomed before getting on the train, Rule 1 above applies.

And breathe...

 

[Arch]

Well the only opinion I have there is that cross country trains are absolutely pants for any kind of facilities whatsoever...I avoid them like the plague! Their on board bike storage facilities are a joke...grrrrrr!!!

It's that, or go via London, with the inherent tube changes.

As an aside, when did it become the norm for suitcases to have wheels? I mean yes, it's quite a good idea, but suddenly, they all have them! And I suspect that encourages people to overpack because they don't have to carry the thing until the moment the have to try and lift it onto or off a train while I wait behind them...

 

[Kirstie]

It's that, or go via London, with the inherent tube changes.

Ah yes, I have the choice of the east coast mainline as well to get up to the NE and Scotland...

 

[John the Monkey]

I think there will come a point that those wheely suitcases are SO big that the only sensible way for people to transport them will be to ride them.

Then someone will hit on the idea of powering them, and perhaps putting on a roof.

And then we'll have to share the train with smart cars.

 

[Gerry Attrick]

Come on Arch. Where will you put the cakes? They have rights too you know!

 

[Bollo]

Ok, here goes......

Your bag did not pay for a seat. Please move it.

Thank you for sharing your experiences of @nal sex with a friend on your mobile, young lady, but next time please avoid doing so in the quiet carriage. (this actually happened!)

Old lady - you are not getting the Simplon-Venice Orient Express, you are getting the 9:03 to Basingstoke. Please stop telling the inspector your life story and move away from the barriers.

Ticket dodger - try not wearing a fake Burberry baseball cap pulled low over your face while attempting to tailgate through the barriers. It is something of a give-away to the station staff.

Young parents - you paid for the folding pushchair, so f****** try folding it!

Same for brompton owners!

SWT - your new policy of closing doors while people are still queueing to get on the train is unlike to improve customer satisfaction.

Non-regular commuters - standing right in front of the door as the train pulls into the station is not a good idea, especially when the hefty man waiting to get off is carrying 15 kilos of sharp and oily metal.

Finally,

LONDONERS OUTSIDE OF THE CAPITAL - OYSTER CARDS TO NOT WORK ON SWT STATION BARRIERS, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU WAFT THEM!!!!!!

 

[Archie_tect]

Any person found leaning their head on a window must demonstrate to the Guard's satisfaction that their hair does not leave a greasy mark for their journey's duration.

 

[Gerry Attrick]

Having used trains for a number of jouneys recently, I can summarise ticketing rules as follows:

A ticket purchased for off peak travel at a station offering such tckets is valid subject to the ticketing rules as as advertised and only as advertised. Any ticket issued outside of this condition is valid only on condition that it is valid at time other than so specified by the rules. The rules are subject to variation as and when specified by the general ticketing rules published and available at the times specified at stations authorised to issue such tickets, and then only as permitted by the general carriage of passengers regulations as laid down by the company or companies which are, for the time being parties to these rules.

A ticket purchased specifically for travel between specified stations and/or times is only valid when and if the company issuing the said ticket is a party to the above agreement concerning the issuing of such tickets. However, if a ticket is purchased in advance, then there can be no guarantee that the aforementioned ticket will or could be valid for a specified journey at any time between the hours of 0800-0759 Monday to Sunday inclusive.

Anyone found travelling with a ticket issued otherwise than in accordance with these rules will be assumed to have read and understood the above, and wil be assumed to be guilty of fare avoidance and be prosecuted accordingly.

Is that clear?

 

[upsidedown]

1 If you have a conversation that will involve asking somebody to "copy you on that one", wait until you get on the train and call back in to the office.

1a Do so just as the train enters a tunnel.

1b Repeat conversation having explained previous tunnel/phonecall incident.


2 As the train stops at the platform, please call your partner who is stood on the other side of the door to let them know that you are just arriving at the station.

3. If you do not have a bicycle, a disability or a child in a pushchair please sit in the area for those who do. Feel free to look surprised and complain should any of the aforementioned groups have the temerity to attempt to use this space.

4. If the conductor asks to see your ticket, avoid eye contact at all costs, after all, you're much more important than he is.

 

[Bollo]

Having used trains for a number of jouneys recently, I can summarise ticketing rules as follows:

A ticket purchased for off peak travel at a station offering such tckets is valid subject to the ticketing rules as as advertised and only as advertised. Any ticket issued outside of this condition is valid only on condition that it is valid at time other than so specified by the rules. The rules are subject to variation as and when specified by the general ticketing rules published and available at the times specified at stations authorised to issue such tickets, and then only as permitted by the general carriage of passengers regulations as laid down by the company or companies which are, for the time being parties to these rules.

A ticket purchased specifically for travel between specified stations and/or times is only valid when and if the company issuing the said ticket is a party to the above agreement concerning the issuing of such tickets. However, if a ticket is purchased in advance, then there can be no guarantee that the aforementioned ticket will or could be valid for a specified journey at any time between the hours of 0800-0759 Monday to Sunday inclusive.

Anyone found travelling with a ticket issued otherwise than in accordance with these rules will be assumed to have read and understood the above, and wil be assumed to be guilty of fare avoidance and be prosecuted accordingly.

Is that clear?

It's a gross over-simplication!

 

[domd1979]

Pressing the "door open" button continually either before the train has stopped or the button has lit up is not going to work.

If the train has door handles this is a clue the door won't open by itself.

If the train is full and you need to stand move down the sodding train instead of blocking the vestibules. Likewise on buses if you have to stand there is not a law that says you must gather around the lugguage rack at the front of the bus making it impossible for others to get on and off.

 

[zimzum42]

Don't talk, to anyone...

 

[hackbike 666]

Pressing the "door open" button continually either before the train has stopped or the button has lit up is not going to work.

That is so common and if the doors are not released within one nanosecond watch the passengers panic and run down the train.