Contrary to rumour, Christian Horner has not been sacked by Red Bull.
Ross Kemp is only driver in the World with the skills to match Max Verstappen and Red Bull were quick to sign the East End muscleman.
However, things came to a head at the first race when Kemp refused to remove his leather jacket in favour of race overalls.
This prompted an argument between Kemp, Max Mosley of the FIA, and Christian Horner. Kemp ended up losing his rag when Horner called him a "ponce" and the team principle was nutted and fell into a coma. In order to hide their embarrassment at losing their new talen the RB team circulated a story about Horner being sacked.
Meanwhile, Kemp leaked pictures to the Daily Mail of Mosley tied up naked, hog tied with an apple in his mouth like a tory MP while Barbara Windsor whipped him with a USB cable.