How far do you have to go before you are 'unfaithful'?

[spire]

I read the results of an opinion survey once which found that of the people surveyed:
- where a man found his wife had been unfaithful, around 60% said they ended the relationship
- where a woman found her husband had been unfaithful, around 5% ended the relationship

I read a survey once where everyone agreed it was always OK for a man to be unfaithful, but never right for a woman to be unfaithful (unless she was being unfaithful WITH YOU)...

...maybe I just dreamed it!

 

[GaryA]

Gaz

There's quite a lot going for your definition, but surely you don't class a lap-dance as being unfaithful? This is impersonal and non-contact, but you wouldn't want your partner watching you.

I'm sure my Missus would...that was one of the (many) reasons why she divorced her previous hubby
I think so too...if you need a lap dancer to turn you on then either your in the wrong relationship, need a lot more imagination in the bedroom, or your reliving more youthful days at the expense of your partners dignity

try the role reversal test: how would you feel if they did what you do?

(probably skewed in the case of male strippers since women tend to see it as humour rather than a turn on-although maybe Kirsty can confirm that observation )

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

I read the results of an opinion survey once which found that of the people surveyed:
- where a man found his wife had been unfaithful, around 60% said they ended the relationship
- where a woman found her husband had been unfaithful, around 5% ended the relationship

not sure how to interpret this though...

Easy enough - 95% of women blamed themselves for his being unfaithful, having read some tripe in a womens magazine along the lines of "If you let yourself go, he'll go" designed to plug some ridiculous "beauty treatment."

 

[Kirstie]

(probably skewed in the case of male strippers since women tend to see it as humour rather than a turn on-although maybe Kirsty can confirm that observation )

not wanting to speak for all women (cue chaka khan song), but i find male strippers a bit changy and maybe a bit of a giggle but definitely not a serious turn on...

Patrick I actually think that those stats are partly explained by things like gender pay gap and the current state of the property market. ie people stay together because anything other than that means financial ruin in the current climate!

 

[ChrisKH]

Well not many men marry for money. Therefore some women would be prepared to tolerate a bit on the side as long as they have a 7 series BMW and unlimited spending. But 95% of them?

 

[girofan]

Being unfaithful starts when your partner finds out!!!

 

[spire]

I'm sure my Missus would...that was one of the (many) reasons why she divorced her previous hubby
I think so too...if you need a lap dancer to turn you on then either your in the wrong relationship, need a lot more imagination in the bedroom, or your reliving more youthful days at the expense of your partners dignity

try the role reversal test: how would you feel if they did what you do?

(probably skewed in the case of male strippers since women tend to see it as humour rather than a turn on-although maybe Kirsty can confirm that observation )

I think you're overstating the case: while there is a grubby side to lap-dancing, places like Stringfellow's are almost mainstream and I don't see how one's partner would lose her dignity if she knew you were entertaining business clients there.

 

[Crackle]

Well not many men marry for money. Therefore some women would be prepared to tolerate a bit on the side as long as they have a 7 series BMW and unlimited spending. But 95% of them?

That's rather a shallow materialistic view: Perhaps they're thinking more of keeping their family together body and soul - or were you being facetious?

 

[Fnaar]

What if you have a sh@g with someone else, but think of your partner while you're at it?

 

[ChrisKH]

That's rather a shallow materialistic view: Perhaps they're thinking more of keeping their family together body and soul - or were you being facetious?

Very facetious.

On a more serious note, I think men can't cope with the thought that their partner has been unfaithful; since the physical act to them means more in the context of the relationship. I don't think women are as obsessed with the physical side and can put it into perspective. And as you say are trying to keep the family together which, if you are a mother, rightly or wrongly ends up being your job when it goes a bit pear-shaped.

 

[Fnaar]

De Niro/Streep movie, Falling in Love, 1984 was good on the subject...
Husband: "I met a woman, on a train, nothing happened..." (they had basically fallen in lurve, without getting physical)
Wife: [delivers big slap round the face...]

So, as far as she was concerned, without doing the biz, he'd crossed the line...

 

[spire]

I think men can't cope with the thought that their partner has been unfaithful; since the physical act to them means more in the context of the relationship. I don't think women are as obsessed with the physical side and can put it into perspective.

Isn't this contrary to the widely accepted view that men find it much easier to separate sex from love than women do?

 

[Fnaar]

... if you are a mother, rightly or wrongly ends up being your job when it goes a bit pear-shaped.

And when her bum goes pear-shaped, the guys start looking elsewhere....

 

[SamNichols]

It's a hard one to judge, and I think that most people judge it differently and according to circumstance. It is up to you to get to know the limits of your own relationship, and this can only be done by developing trust. Some people won't mind you looking at other people, other people will get very hurt just by your eyes wandering. So, fall in love and be happy, that's my thoughts on it all.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

Being unfaithful starts when your partner finds out!!!

Which happens like greased bloody lightning in small towns. What you thought was a discreet knee trembler round the back of the Boars Head, rapidly comes to the attention of SWMBO.